So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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