drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
