I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
