watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
