My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
