I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
