He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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