There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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