I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Banned from zoo.
Again?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
