I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize