so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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