I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
