i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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