Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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