i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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