I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
