you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
