you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
