I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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