it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Please, let me fuck your mom
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
