break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
