my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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