he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Im part way to drunk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
