no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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