I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
