so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
