i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
