Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Me too!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
