I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
