So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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