oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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