his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
