Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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