yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
