He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
