$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
