hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
