you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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