Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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