girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
