I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
