i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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