i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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