Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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