i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
