my being single is dangerous.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
