my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
