I cut my penus on the lid.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
