tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
