Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
