Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i believe in u and ur pee
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