Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
