Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
