wat bout pragnant strippers??
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
