she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
