I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
someone owes me an orgasm
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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